The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Democratic Candidates

Pete Buttigieg

Birthplace: Hardscrabble, down-on-its-luck section of Notre Dame campus

Favorite Childhood Memory: Smiling wryly and saying, “What a shame,” when Sarah Hagersmith’s elaborate volcano mysteriously malfunctioned and lost her the coveted sixth-grade science fair trophy

Military Experience: Seven months in Afghanistan serving in the Anecdote Corps For Future Presidential Candidates

Early Political Career: First gained prominence as youngest-ever resident of South Bend, IN

Connection To Hispanic Community: Intermediate per Duolingo

Military Nickname: The Butcher of Kabul

Interesting Personal Fact: None

Policy Positions: Listen, no candidate is perfect

This article was originally published on this site.

This article was originally published on this site